Hate your job? Loathe your work? Despise your occupation? Or maybe even abhor your vocation? If you answered yes to one or more of the above you may be a perfect candidate for quitting. "But Mr. Magic Internet Man, how am I supposed to do that?" you may be asking yourself. Well, like with most things in life, Hollywood provides the answer. Here are the seven best ways to quit your job from the world of celluloid leaving the bridge you cross burning behind you.
Honorable Mention: Giving God the Finger - Dogma
Though we never get to see it actually happen, any scenario that involves throwing down a flaming sword and flipping God the bird is a pretty awesome way to quit your job as the Angel of Death.
5. Lumberjack - And Now For Something Completely Different
Quitting a job to follow your true calling in and of itself isn't quite noteworthy, save for the fact that your true calling is being a lumberjack. And you have a song to go with it that slowly reveals you're a cross-dresser. Easy to pull off too. In the midst of your work, like dealing with a customer or defending your client in court, you just stand up and say, "I never wanted to do this. I wanted to be a lumberjack!" And you could easily replace "lumberjack" with "Vegas show dancer," "mime," really any weird occupation that no one would consider a calling. This sort of non-sequitar is a great way to go out that'll leave everybody scratching their heads, saying, "What just happened?"
4. Shut the Fuck Up - Wanted
It may get a little sappy and daytime talk show in the middle, but surely we all have known that feeling of wanting to tell off a superior in front of everyone.
3. Stop Hitting Yourself - Fight Club
Follow these three easy steps if you want to quit your job but still get paid. First, demand a year's salary and other various perks in exchange for not ratting on something illegal or immoral the company has done. Second, when your boss roundly refuses increase the seriousness of your threat by directly putting him in a compromising position. Third, walk away triumphantly.
2. My Job Consists Of... - American Beauty
Like Edward Norton, Kevin Spacey utilized the above steps with equally effective results. Even though their systems are the same, American Beauty trumps Fight Club for Spacey's explanation of his job and for going with the simpler sexual harassment suit for step two as opposed to beating the shit out of yourself.
1. Fuck You - Half-Baked
Scarface's simple and curt resignation is the best way to end your tenure at any company. Hell, it's the best way to do most things. Use it when break up with someone, as your speech at your high school graduation, or really just anytime you leave a room.
Kevin Smith’s second foray into making a movie without those beloved hetero life mates, the stoner duo Jason and Quiet Robert. No Askewniverse in this one folks. No references to Julie Dwyer. No scene at a Quick Stop. No Canadian female singers as God. Not even Ben Affleck. Just straight up real world antics of porn making (something everyone and their grandmother can relate to).
Basically the title says it all. Zack and Miri make a porno. Perhaps a more wordy plot summary would be: Lifelong platonic friends and roommates Zack (Seth Rogen) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) find themselves in financial straits and facing losing their apartment so decide the lucrative idea of making a porno would be a quick and easy way of getting quick cash and enlist several old and new friends in their endeavor, but did not expect to have the newly risen romantic feelings of having sex with each.
It’s a very heartwarming picture with the relationship of Zack and Miri at the center, which is a difficult prospect given its subject matter. Unfortunately the flick does fall into the trappings of a typical romantic comedy. You know, where there’s this big blow-up between the two characters over what is simply misinformation. The porn angle does bring new credence and problems to this unimaginative turn, but still, c’mon. Luckily the acting and writing is able to rise above these trappings, but just barely. I also would’ve appreciated some more development on the peripheral characters in the film. Everybody they hire on to help quickly becomes best friends, which just seems a little forced (bow chicka wow-wow) given we only see them spend like four days together all if involving the prospect of soulless sex for money. The movie does present the idea that everyone is enjoying themselves in the project (it seemed more like they were making small movie among friends rather than a fuckfest), but I still would’ve preferred more background and growth.
Really where the movie fails is humor wise, which I found quite surprising. Not that it’s unfunny, because it’s quite funny, just not to the level we’ve seen from Smith over the years. There are still the brilliant comedic mot justes only he can spew, but just not enough for my taste. Seemed to be more Judd Apatow related (which isn’t too surprising given it seems more than half the cast is an Apatow alum). Special mention of Craig Robinson, who manages some truly great comedic deliveries. As well as the great cameos of Justin Long and Brandon Routh.
So Zack and Miri isn’t so much a comedy as it is a romantic comedy for the couple that doesn’t mind foul language, porn, and a flood of poop humor in their love stories. And really aren’t these the foundations of love anyway?
